Roger Goodell Is Super Sorry For The Unfortunate Events He Totally Caused

“Welp….sorry about that”

Fans rejoiced this week when the NFL finally came to terms with the locked out officials and brought the regular refs back to the game. This was only after two months of stalled labor talks resulted in replacement refs standing in for three weeks worth of games that count, and they made a bit of a mess with it. The outcry became so great after Monday Night Football’s thoroughly discussed ending, the league finally relented, made some concessions in their demands, and got a deal done.

Today, Roger Goodell sent out a personal letter to me, and anyone else who has ever given their e-mail to sign up for anything related to the NFL, explaining the whole situation. Turns, he’s super sorry you guys, and wants us all to just get along. Let’s rip this PR form letter to shreds, shall we?!?

To NFL Fans:

Woah, Rog, don’t get so sentimental and informal. There’s no need to go all sappy right out of the gate. We may be close personal friends (we’re not), but let’s keep a level of professionalism.

From now on, I demand all my form-letter apologies be formatted like memos! Makes me feel like just another faceless drone to the unending machine of the NFL. And that’s comforting.

The National Football League is at its best when the focus is on the players and the action on the field, not on labor negotiations.

“So that’s why we brought you painfully drawn out labor negotiations in back-to-back years. You’re welcome.”

The NFL has always tried to look ahead, to innovate, and to constantly improve in all we do.

“To the furthest extent that would allow us to avoid litigation from players drooling like vegetables.”

I believe in accountability, not excuses. And I regret we were not able to secure an agreement sooner in the process and avoid the unfortunate distractions to the game.

Yeah, Rog isn’t going to duck accountability for this incredibly unfortunate series of events that just couldln’t be avoided in time to save these first three weeks. Except if the league had allowed the referees to continue working during negotiations and decided not to lock them out. But who would have known that would turn out so poorly? Oh, everybody? OK, then.

I particularly want to commend the replacement officials for taking on an unenviable task and doing it with focus and dedication in the most adverse of circumstances.

Yeah, how about a hand for those guys the NFL pushed out there despite a lack of experience, qualifications, or know-how whatsoever as to what they were doing out there! Give it up for those guys! *crickets*

While the financial issues received the most attention, these negotiations were much more about long-term reforms.

These negotiations were an ideological pissing match between rich ownership behind a rich league getting richer and a union of workers that were promised something and would like it not taken away. You can try and downplay that, Rog, but one of your owners totally ratted you out.

The league saw the rest of the business world taking away pensions because they couldn’t fund them and decided they didn’t want to fund them either. That would help the league, which is enjoying an ever-expanding profit margin, to increase it just the tiniest bit and get them out of paying what was promised.

Spin it any way you want, this was a good old-fashioned attempt at union busting which blew up in the face of the league when the scabs that crossed the picket line turned out to be a detriment to the product.

We are moving forward with the finest officials in sports back on the field.

It took five minutes for Baltimore fans to go from standing ovation to outright boos on Thursday Night Football. That isn’t saying they aren’t the “finest officials” but that’s like saying they’re the “I Spy” Champion of the blind. Refs in every sport are terrible, in their own special and unique way.

It’s time to put the focus where it belongs — on the clubs and players and our magnificent game, with a special thanks to our fans for their passion.

“So please…stop calling me. And maybe don’t boo me this year at the draft?”

Oh, Roger. You say the silliest things.

(pic via)

Author: Teeblerone

25 year old college graduate with a B.A. in Communication Studies and minors in Philosophy and Mathematics. I believe in ideas over ideologies and have a rational voice to share on a wide range of topics. I'm a sports fan since birth, enjoying the act of sport more than pure fanaticism about a particular team or player. I do have favorite teams, though, which include the Seattle Mariners, Denver Broncos, and Montreal Canadiens in baseball, football and hockey, respectively. I'm married to a wonderful woman and I'm working hard every day to do be the best family man I can be.

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