Poor Prognostication: Tiny Fists Of Triumph

Just squeaked it out in week 1? We’ll take it

We start off the prognostication on a mildly high note, finishing the week 4-3 in our Week 1 picks (hooray for not being sub-.500!). We get back to our normal slate of five picks this week, and hope to match (or even exceed) the luke-warm success of last week. The games this week include some really terrible matchups that I wouldn’t want to wish on my worst enemies. Cleveland-Cincinnati, Buffalo-Kansas City, and Oakland-Miami sound like games that you would show to Guantanamo detainees when you needed them to talk. We don’t pick any of those games and send our deepest condolences to the markets that those games will be shown. Picks are in bold!

Poor Prognostication: Wild Cards and National Champs

Matt Ryan needs some work on his 'game face'

The NFL playoffs have arrived and the college bowl season is winding down. Fans in the local markets of terrible NFL teams like the Rams and Buccaneers will no longer have to suffer through a wasted Sunday watching their awful regional sports team stink up the field. The march to the Super Bowl begins this weekend with some great wild card matchups…and a couple pretty forgettable ones. College football is also in its final stretch, with the season wrapping up on Monday with the National Championship game between LSU and Alabama, or “Kick-fest 2: Electric Boogaloo,” as I’ve come to endearingly call it. Last week’s picks went respectably well at 6-4-0 (any week where I get more right than wrong is a win) bringing the overall for the year to 66-57-4. This week, we answer the pressing questions, such as: How did the BBVA Compass Bowl and Godaddy.com Bowl ever get scheduled after New Years Day, and will anyone be watching? Will anyone cross the goal line in the National Championship game? Can Matt Stafford for 500 yards and 5 touchdowns and lose again? Will any passes get completed in Denver this weekend? Is there anyone excited to see Houston and Cincinnati play in the playoffs besides their own fans? As always, picks are in bold.

Biggest Meltdowns of NFL Week 17

"Haha, this football thing is eeeeasy!"

Week 17, and the 2011 NFL regular season, is in the books. The playoffs are set and fans of the Raiders and Jets can get to their annual helpings of disappointment while the Colts can get started on what they want to do with the number one pick this year. The final week of the season did not disappoint in terms of fireworks, letdowns and meltdowns, so we count down the top five of the week. In this edition, the Jets’ follow through on their New Years resolution to stop leading their fans on, the Broncos do as little as possible to make the playoffs, the Lions and Packers both decided to give their defenses the day off, Tony Romo mounts a rally just to Romo the Cowboys when it mattered, and the Patriots troll the Bills so hard. Come for the sad, stay for the crushing disappointment!

Poor Prognostication: Dancing Hippos Edition!

His favorite movie is Fantasia

After weeks of my picks struggling, having my faith in teams’ ability to beat a spread shattered, it seemed like the likelihood of seeing a good week of picks again this season was about the same as seeing hippos dancing ballet. Well, bust out the oversized point-shoes, cause we’ve had ourselves a Thanksgiving miracle! Last week’s increased number of picks turned out well, picking right 2 to 1 in games last week, finishing 12-6-2 to bring the overall record for the season to 51-46-4 (back over .500 woo-hoo!). This week the college football regular season wraps up with conference championships galore which will give us some clarity into the BCS picture and several NFL playoff scenarios will likely be killed off by Sunday night. Let’s keep the good picks rolling! My picks are in bold.

Biggest Meltdowns of NFL Week 11

Rex Ryan is left speechless (for once) as his team refuses to tackle Tim Tebow

Week 11 is just a Monday night in Foxboro away from wrapping up and this week gave us our usual helping of disappointing performances and epic meltdowns, all across the league. The 49ers can clinch the NFC West next week with a win and a Seattle loss, so get the bubbly ready Bay Area. Baltimore bounced back, as they tend to do, and regained first place in the AFC North. The Bills are making a late push for 4th place in the AFC East (more on that later) and nobody seems to want to win the NFC East or the AFC West. This week, the wheels have fallen off and the bus has exploded in Buffalo, the Giants do their best to keep dreams alive, Jaguars implode so bad that Browns fans feel bad for them, the Jets get Tebow’d, and Cam Newton’s Panthers remain good enough to make games interesting but not quite good enough to win them. Is it parity or inconsistency? Who knows, but there are pictures of sad athletes, so let’s get to it!

Poor Prognostication: Running out of ways to say I’m bad at this

I'm just going to be like Tom and think of a happier place...

Woof. That’s about as good as I can describe how my picks have been going the last few weeks. Another tough stretch last week, going 3-6 on the week bringing the overall record for the season to 32-30-1, so still above .500, and at this point, I’ll take any small victory I can get. This week, I’m hoping I can turn around this bad streak I’ve been on but I apologize in advance to the teams and fans of the teams that I pick for putting that bad mojo on you. Expect to see me this weekend like Tom Brady, eyes closed thinking of a better place, and a better time to try and escape another poor week of picks. As always, picks are in bold.

Who’s not impressed with Tebow? The guys who tackled him all day Sunday

Always be thanking (via)

The Tim Tebow experiment hit a bit of a snag on Sunday in Denver in the form of the Detroit Lions defense. Turns out, the Tebow magic is not nearly as effective against teams with playoff aspirations. The Broncos were stomped at home 45-10, the lone touchdown coming late in the game during “garbage” time, and it wasn’t even as close as the score. Tebow was 8-of-26 for 85 yards at one point in the fourth quarter before finishing the game 10-of-13 for 87 yards and his lone touchdown. The Broncos quarterback was also intercepted one time for a 100-yard pick six by Lions cornerback Chris Houston, sacked seven times and fumbled three times, losing one that was returned by defensive end Cliff Avril for another defensive touchdown for the Lions. Tebow looked lost and overmatched the entire day, and struggled so badly that John Fox wouldn’t even commit to him to start next week against Oakland. So what did you think of him, Lions defense?

Poor Prognostication: Presented by Wile E. Coyote!

Bob Costas is concerned about the way these picks have gone

Wile E. Coyote and I have a shared experience. Much like in every one of those old Looney Tunes cartoons where Wile E. Coyote would chase the Roadrunner and inevitably fall off the cliff over and over, I have once again run straight off that cliff. Last week was the second straight brutal effort on my part, going 2-7 on picks and rapidly catching my losses up to my wins in the overall record, which now stands at 25-19-1. This week, I would settle for just having an old-timey bomb blow up in my face or run into a wall that I painted a tunnel onto. Bob Costas is very concerned with the way these picks have turned, so I’m going to try to turn it around this week. For Bob! Picks are in bold.

As the pigskin turns…

Rex Ryan would like you to come at him, bro.

This last week in the NFL seemed to see a spike in the personal drama department. We had in-game scuffles, post-game callouts, questionable coaching, and I’m pretty sure Rex Ryan is still talking just waiting for someone to write it down and share it with the world. There was so much extra drama this week that we’ve decided to do a quick run-down of the extra-curriculars of Week 7. After the jump, the Vikings-Packers rivalry goes south, Terell Suggs would like to sit in on some offensive meetings, the Chargers get Burgundy’d, and Ndamukong Suh can’t be bothered to remember names.

Poor Prognostication: Now in freefall!

Last week was a swift kick to the nether region

Last week was the week I knew was coming, the “falling off a cliff” week. I had been picking well, got a little confident, mentioned my winning percentage, and basically signed my own death warrant. I went 2-6-1 in last week’s picks, thanks to Buffalo’s defense preventing Ahmad Bradshaw’s fourth rushing touchdown and holding the Giants to a late field goal giving me my first push of the year. On the season, I doubled up my losses and now stand at 23-12-1. Not terrible yet, so hopefully I can pull the emergency cord this week and get myself out of free fall. Rob Ryan feels my pain. Picks are in bold.