Biggest Meltdowns Of NFL Week 3: Scab Ref Edition!

Yeah, we’re pretty disgusted too, Mike

The labor dispute between the NFL and the NFLRA has officially claimed its first victim. Congratulations, Green Bay Packers! You may be the sacrificial lamb that finally breaks the stalemate between these two sides! After a rough outing in Week 2, the replacement refs were downright awful in Week 3, taking the focus away from some very exciting football and pushing players and coaches to the edges of frustration and they aren’t going to take it anymore. Players have started tweeting their frustration, one player reportedly told a referee to go “kill yourself,” during a game, and coaches have broken down and chased referees down the tunnel to tell them just how much they think of them (spoiler: NOT MUCH!). So with these terrible stand-ins in mind, we present a very special Biggest Meltdowns: Scab Ref Edition!

Poor Prognostication: Tiny Fists Of Triumph

Just squeaked it out in week 1? We’ll take it

We start off the prognostication on a mildly high note, finishing the week 4-3 in our Week 1 picks (hooray for not being sub-.500!). We get back to our normal slate of five picks this week, and hope to match (or even exceed) the luke-warm success of last week. The games this week include some really terrible matchups that I wouldn’t want to wish on my worst enemies. Cleveland-Cincinnati, Buffalo-Kansas City, and Oakland-Miami sound like games that you would show to Guantanamo detainees when you needed them to talk. We don’t pick any of those games and send our deepest condolences to the markets that those games will be shown. Picks are in bold!

Poor Prognostication: Kickoff Classic!!

JJ gets uncomfortably excited thinking about the Cowboys’ “Glory Hole”

It’s Wednesday, so OF COURSE that means NFL football is starting! Because FOOOTBALL THAT’S WHY! The Dallas Cowboys open the season on the road against the defending Super Bowl champion New York Giants, and have wasted zero time poking Big Blue with a stick to make sure they are good and riled up. Other notable games highlight Week 1 in the NFL, like the reincarnation of Peyton Manning as a Denver Bronco, and super-rookies Andrew Luck and Robert Griffin III make their debuts surrounded by really crummy teams.

Most importantly, though, we get to return to real football. No more Double J talking about glory holes, no more train metaphors regarding the MJD holdout, and hopefully a downturn of Tim Tebow shirtless pictures in the rain. Just football.

So who wins? Picks are in bold after the jump! Let’s gooooooo!

Poor Prognostication: Have you heard if Tim Tebow is playing this week?

John Elway is riding centaur Tim Tebow under a rainbow. Your argument is invalid.

Wildcard weekend gave way to Tebow Week on ESPN which now leads us into the Divisional round of the playoffs. The college season is over and done with, coaches now focusing on how to best cover up their recruiting violations in luring the top talent to their schools to try and exploit them for million dollar bonuses. That just leaves us with the home stretch of NFL action, culminating with the Super Bowl in just four weeks! The NFL playoffs are giving us three rematches of regular season contests in Denver at New England, Houston at Baltimore, and New York at Green Bay. The wild card weekend was kind to our picks, as we finished 6-2 to bump the overall record this season to 72-59-4. With only seven more games to pick, it’s mathematically impossible to finish under .500, something I was not sure would happen at many points this season. So for those of you who survived the non-stop media coverage of Tim Tebow, including a second Tebow-center on ESPN in which they said the word Tebow, or derived from Tebow, a record 160 times in one hour.  It was enough to cause anyone’s brain to explode, so I’m happy to see some of us made it through! If the Broncos pull off the win this week, expect all ESPN programming to devolve into the on-camera personalities staring into the camera saying “Tebow” 24/7. Picks are in bold!

Biggest Meltdowns of NFL Week 17

"Haha, this football thing is eeeeasy!"

Week 17, and the 2011 NFL regular season, is in the books. The playoffs are set and fans of the Raiders and Jets can get to their annual helpings of disappointment while the Colts can get started on what they want to do with the number one pick this year. The final week of the season did not disappoint in terms of fireworks, letdowns and meltdowns, so we count down the top five of the week. In this edition, the Jets’ follow through on their New Years resolution to stop leading their fans on, the Broncos do as little as possible to make the playoffs, the Lions and Packers both decided to give their defenses the day off, Tony Romo mounts a rally just to Romo the Cowboys when it mattered, and the Patriots troll the Bills so hard. Come for the sad, stay for the crushing disappointment!

Poor Prognostication: Dancing Hippos Edition!

His favorite movie is Fantasia

After weeks of my picks struggling, having my faith in teams’ ability to beat a spread shattered, it seemed like the likelihood of seeing a good week of picks again this season was about the same as seeing hippos dancing ballet. Well, bust out the oversized point-shoes, cause we’ve had ourselves a Thanksgiving miracle! Last week’s increased number of picks turned out well, picking right 2 to 1 in games last week, finishing 12-6-2 to bring the overall record for the season to 51-46-4 (back over .500 woo-hoo!). This week the college football regular season wraps up with conference championships galore which will give us some clarity into the BCS picture and several NFL playoff scenarios will likely be killed off by Sunday night. Let’s keep the good picks rolling! My picks are in bold.

Poor Prognostication: Now on the wrong side of .500

Not the time for sarcasti-quotes Eli

If I can say one thing about myself, it’s that I’m consistent. Unfortunately, that consistency has manifested in picking terribly the last several weeks, tanking my once respectable record down below .500 for the first time this year. Last week’s picks went 2-6-1 (I blame Mike Smith) bringing the overall record to 34-36-2. Ouch. This week, I pick a lot of home favorites *gulp* as the college football season hits its home stretch and the NFL begins its playoff push. Eli thinks I’m still “qualified” to be doing this and that I’m really “smart” but he’s a jerk who uses sarcasti-quotes on people. This is why people like Peyton better, Eli. Picks are in bold.

Rodgers to Luck: “Sitting isn’t so bad. Eventually the old guy will leave…emphasis on eventually.”

Aaron Rodgers, 1st round pick, sat behind a future HoF QB. Turned out pretty good for him.

Much has been made about the “Suck for Luck” race this season as struggling teams race to be the worst team in the NFL to get the number one pick in next year’s draft where they can take the unanimously presumed top pick, Andrew Luck out of Stanford. At 0-10, with a two game “lead” on the rest of the field and no winnable games for the rest of their schedule, the Indianapolis Colts look like a lock to take the first pick for 2012. This has led to some uncomfortable questions for the Indianapolis front office, chief among them: What about Peyton?

The Colts just re-signed their franchise quarterback Peyton Manning this offseason to an extension worth over $90 million over the next four years, but questions still linger about his health since his neck surgery during the offseason that has kept him from taking a single snap during Indy’s streak of ineptitude. Many are wondering if drafting Luck would be seen as a show of no-faith in Manning and his rehabilitation and could be taken as a push out the door for a quarterback that is quite obviously important to the success of this organization. Others are wondering if Luck would want to play for the Colts or if he would pull a John Elway and refuse to sign with the Colts if they draft him because he wouldn’t want to sit behind anybody for his first few years in the league. Well one well-known quarterback in the NFL has a valuable perspective on this situation as Aaron Rodgers was selected in the first round by the Green Bay Packers and then backed up Packer legend Brett Favre for three years before getting his chance to start, and he’s done all right for himself, I would say.

Poor Prognostication: Running out of ways to say I’m bad at this

I'm just going to be like Tom and think of a happier place...

Woof. That’s about as good as I can describe how my picks have been going the last few weeks. Another tough stretch last week, going 3-6 on the week bringing the overall record for the season to 32-30-1, so still above .500, and at this point, I’ll take any small victory I can get. This week, I’m hoping I can turn around this bad streak I’ve been on but I apologize in advance to the teams and fans of the teams that I pick for putting that bad mojo on you. Expect to see me this weekend like Tom Brady, eyes closed thinking of a better place, and a better time to try and escape another poor week of picks. As always, picks are in bold.

Poor prognostication: Back to middling!

Last week wasn't a train wreck. That deserves a fist bump.

After back to back weeks of disastrous picks, it’s time to celebrate the little victories. Last week, I was one New Orleans collapse away from picking over .500, but since Tony LaRussa had to show up and inspire another incredible underdog performance, I finished 4-5 for the week, bringing the overall picks to 29-24-1 for the year. 4-5 isn’t great by any stretch of the imagination, but it’s certainly better than another 2-7 week. Remember when I was good at this? Oh well, onward and upward this week. Mike Tomlin is willing to celebrate my moral victory with me, so should you. Picks are in bold.