Cleveland Indians Closer Chris Perez Seems Nice

“Hey kid. Go f*** yourself.” – Chris Perez

Chris Perez has been a bit of a lightning rod of controversy for the Cleveland Indians this season. Back in May, with the Tribe sitting in first place of the AL Central, Perez called out Cleveland fans for not coming out to the games, saying it was pathetic that they weren’t out-selling Oakland (foreshadowing!). Then, he threatened to go after members of the Kansas City Royals on Twitter when an early season game got overly heated. He also has a tendency to puke on the mound from time to time. All in all, he’s a bit of a crazy person, but he was an All-Star for the second straight year, so he’s got that going for him.

Then yesterday, the Indians were in Oakland to play the A’s and things are a bit different than they were back in May when Perez had those disparaging things to say about the A’s attendance. Oakland is in the mix for a wild card while Cleveland slips further and further back in the AL Central. That prompted some A’s fans, who probably heard about Perez’s feelings on Oakland Coliseum this spring, to share his talent evaluation of the Indians’ closer. Perez accepted this constructive criticism like an adult and the two parties parted ways with mutual respect. Haha, no I’m just kidding, they yelled cuss words at each other.

MLB To Victor Conte: “La La La, I Can’t Hear You”

“Guy famous for getting PEDs into baseball says PEDs are in baseball? Good one.”

In the wake of Melky Cabrera’s suspension for getting caught with synthetic testosterone in his system, news outlets everywhere are bringing in experts to talk about the “steroid problem” in baseball like we had all fallen through some crack in time and wound up back in 1999 (which could explain why Limp Bizkit was trending on Twitter).

That’s what led USA Today to reach out to Victor Conte, founder of BALCO which supplied countless professional athletes, including another former Giants slugging outfielder Barry Bonds (allegedly), with performance enhancing drugs. When you want to know how bad the problem of steroids in baseball is, you go to the guy who was largely responsible for starting the problem of steroids in baseball, right? Well, it turns out baseball may have a very big problem on their hands.

Melky Cabrera Cheated, MLB May Help Him Win Batting Title Anyway

Cheer up, Melky. You’re still going to win a batting title!

It was announced yesterday that San Francisco Giants outfielder Melky Cabrera has been suspended for 50 games for testing positive for testosterone, a performance-enhancing drug. The suspension means that Cabrera will miss the rest of the regular season and the first five games of the playoffs, and would be eligible to return for the League Championship Series, if the Giants make it that far. However, the most troubling aspect of this is that Cabrera, who was enjoying a career resurgence in San Fran this season, hitting .346/.390/.516 in 113 games, and winning the All-Star Game MVP, is somehow still eligible to win the batting title. Wait, what??

If You Paint Your Glove With Gold Paint, Rawlings Will Sue You

SUE THAT MAN!!

Back in 1957, the Rawlings Sporting Goods company, based out of St. Louis, came up with a great promotional idea. They would sponsor a regular season award for outstanding defensive players and call the the “Gold Glove Award,” or Rawlings Gold Glove Award to be exact. Today, it remains the only defensive award given out in baseball and holds some significant weight because it is voted on by managers and coaches, and the legitmacy that they’ve been given by MLB has started going to their heads. Case in point: they claim to own the rights to gold paint.

From The Citi To The Farm: The Tale Of ‘Little Jerry Seinfeld’

“Uh, so now what?”

The baseball season can be a long and tedious ordeal, so players often have to find inventive ways to break up the monotany. For the New York Mets and reliever Tim Byrdak, that meant bringing a new mascot into Citi Field over the weekend for the Mets’ series against the cross-town Yankees. Inspired by closer Frank Francisco’s comments to reporters before the series began, Byrdak purchased a live chicken to have run around the locker room before the games. Turns out, he may not have thought this all the way through.

Old Guy Fights: When Is Cheating Really Cheating?

“Logical arguments…I haz dem”

The game of baseball is one of nuance and subtlety, where the majority of the game is absolutely nothing happening. It’s mired in its own history, constantly coming up with obscure records, refusing modern quibbles like instant replay, because the old guys making bad calls is an integral part of the game. It’s a difficult game to bring someone new into if they haven’t grown up appreciating the sport, and the overwhelming number of “unwritten rules” that old-school baseball minds can’t get enough of.

Currently not helping matters is the feud brewing between managers Joe Maddon of Tampa Bay and Davey Johnson of Washington. Johnson called out Rays reliever Joel Peralta for having a “foreign substance” on his glove during a game that got Peralta ejected and now the cries of foul play will not stop coming…from the Rays. Wait, what?

Tony Romo Spreads His Suck Across A Second Sport

“Hot start for the Rangers, you say? I’ll take care of that…” ROMO’D

Tony Romo’s tendency to be terrible is well-documented here at Mild Mannered. He’s often the feature of our Biggest Meltdowns feature and has found ways to undermine the Dallas Cowboys in the biggest moments of a game. He’s so terrible, we’ve turned his name into a verb, and you do not want your team to get Romo’d. Well, now it seems that Tony Romo’s ruinous presence is no longer contained to the football field, as he showed up in Arlington to throw out the first pitch of the Rangers-Mariners game. It…didn’t go so well for the home team.

Russell Martin Figured Out Laz Diaz

“I don’t like your face. YEEEEERRR OUTTA HERE!!”

Officiating can be a difficult profession. It’s a thankless job and one that EVERYBODY thinks they can do better. No matter how fairly you try and call a game, one side is always going to end up disappointed with the calls that didn’t fall their way. Nowhere is that more true than in baseball, especially for a home-plate umpire. Calling balls and strikes can be incredibly stressful with the naturally arbitrary nature of the “strike zone” combined with pitches coming in at over 90 mph, so it’s pretty common for people to get bent out of shape over the calls of balls and strikes. Every home plate ump has to deal with it in their own way, though. For umpire Laz Diaz, his way is to be a dick.

Aroldis Chapman Can’t Get Away From Cincinnati Fast Enough

¿Cómo salir de Cincinnati?

The Cincinnati Reds have come on over the last couple of seasons as legitimate contenders in the National League Central. Part of the reason is the acquisition of their fireball throwing Cuban defector, Aroldis Chapman. The young reliever routinely hits the triple digits with his fastball and has been a nightmare for opposing hitters. This season he has yet to give up a run, and has Reds fans wondering if he could make the transition to starter and be the ace of their staff. Manager Dusty Baker has said that Chapman will be a starter “someday,” but for now is satisfied having him close out games with authority. Besides, Chapman still has a lot of things to learn about this country and being a big league pitcher, like basic motor vehicle laws, for example.

Frank Francisco Would Like A Word

Frankie says FREAK OUT

The New York Mets have a long-suffering tradition of epic collapses. They have made an annual tradition out of fiery implosions that cost the team any shot at success and prevent their fans from ever having faith in any lead whatsoever. They continued that never-ending string of terribleness over the weekend, dropping two of three games against the Miami Marlins in walk-off fashion. On Sunday, the issues started immediately in the bottom of the ninth, as Frank Francisco gave up a triple, a walk, and a single before getting pulled. He was visibly rattled after the walk to John Buck because he thought he was making some good pitches, but didn’t get the calls. It’s all good, though, because strike zones can be super subjective and I’m sure Frankie handled the whole thing with quiet dignity and grace. Haha, I’m just kidding, he plays for the Mets!