Poor Prognostication: Kickoff Classic!!

JJ gets uncomfortably excited thinking about the Cowboys’ “Glory Hole”

It’s Wednesday, so OF COURSE that means NFL football is starting! Because FOOOTBALL THAT’S WHY! The Dallas Cowboys open the season on the road against the defending Super Bowl champion New York Giants, and have wasted zero time poking Big Blue with a stick to make sure they are good and riled up. Other notable games highlight Week 1 in the NFL, like the reincarnation of Peyton Manning as a Denver Bronco, and super-rookies Andrew Luck and Robert Griffin III make their debuts surrounded by really crummy teams.

Most importantly, though, we get to return to real football. No more Double J talking about glory holes, no more train metaphors regarding the MJD holdout, and hopefully a downturn of Tim Tebow shirtless pictures in the rain. Just football.

So who wins? Picks are in bold after the jump! Let’s gooooooo!

Poor Prognostication: Have you heard if Tim Tebow is playing this week?

John Elway is riding centaur Tim Tebow under a rainbow. Your argument is invalid.

Wildcard weekend gave way to Tebow Week on ESPN which now leads us into the Divisional round of the playoffs. The college season is over and done with, coaches now focusing on how to best cover up their recruiting violations in luring the top talent to their schools to try and exploit them for million dollar bonuses. That just leaves us with the home stretch of NFL action, culminating with the Super Bowl in just four weeks! The NFL playoffs are giving us three rematches of regular season contests in Denver at New England, Houston at Baltimore, and New York at Green Bay. The wild card weekend was kind to our picks, as we finished 6-2 to bump the overall record this season to 72-59-4. With only seven more games to pick, it’s mathematically impossible to finish under .500, something I was not sure would happen at many points this season. So for those of you who survived the non-stop media coverage of Tim Tebow, including a second Tebow-center on ESPN in which they said the word Tebow, or derived from Tebow, a record 160 times in one hour.  It was enough to cause anyone’s brain to explode, so I’m happy to see some of us made it through! If the Broncos pull off the win this week, expect all ESPN programming to devolve into the on-camera personalities staring into the camera saying “Tebow” 24/7. Picks are in bold!

Poor Prognostication: Wild Cards and National Champs

Matt Ryan needs some work on his 'game face'

The NFL playoffs have arrived and the college bowl season is winding down. Fans in the local markets of terrible NFL teams like the Rams and Buccaneers will no longer have to suffer through a wasted Sunday watching their awful regional sports team stink up the field. The march to the Super Bowl begins this weekend with some great wild card matchups…and a couple pretty forgettable ones. College football is also in its final stretch, with the season wrapping up on Monday with the National Championship game between LSU and Alabama, or “Kick-fest 2: Electric Boogaloo,” as I’ve come to endearingly call it. Last week’s picks went respectably well at 6-4-0 (any week where I get more right than wrong is a win) bringing the overall for the year to 66-57-4. This week, we answer the pressing questions, such as: How did the BBVA Compass Bowl and Godaddy.com Bowl ever get scheduled after New Years Day, and will anyone be watching? Will anyone cross the goal line in the National Championship game? Can Matt Stafford for 500 yards and 5 touchdowns and lose again? Will any passes get completed in Denver this weekend? Is there anyone excited to see Houston and Cincinnati play in the playoffs besides their own fans? As always, picks are in bold.

Poor Prognositcation: Let’s hug this out

"How can this be wrong, when it feels soooo right?"

With last week’s conference championships in the books, the college football regular season is all but over. The annual Army-Navy game caps it off, which means after this all we’ll be left with is about 40 or 50 bowl games. The picks struggle a bit last week, going just 4-6 to bring the overall record for the season to 55-52-4. I blame Oklahoma and Virginia Tech’s odd decision to take last week off and watch Oklahoma State and Clemson run up the score on them, but we can’t dwell on the mistakes of the past. This week, the picks are less numerous since the college season is done, but we have a good slate of games in the NFL that’s going to go a long way in clearing up the playoff picture. So with just two weeks before Christmas, let’s get Tebow-esque and hold the ones who help us most close as we give thanks for another fun college football season and gear up for what should be an exciting NFL playoffs. As always, picks are in bold.

Poor Prognostication: Dancing Hippos Edition!

His favorite movie is Fantasia

After weeks of my picks struggling, having my faith in teams’ ability to beat a spread shattered, it seemed like the likelihood of seeing a good week of picks again this season was about the same as seeing hippos dancing ballet. Well, bust out the oversized point-shoes, cause we’ve had ourselves a Thanksgiving miracle! Last week’s increased number of picks turned out well, picking right 2 to 1 in games last week, finishing 12-6-2 to bring the overall record for the season to 51-46-4 (back over .500 woo-hoo!). This week the college football regular season wraps up with conference championships galore which will give us some clarity into the BCS picture and several NFL playoff scenarios will likely be killed off by Sunday night. Let’s keep the good picks rolling! My picks are in bold.

Biggest Meltdowns of NFL Week 10

Winning...

Week 10 of the NFL season has come and gone, and we’re really starting to learn what’s what this year.  Some things we already knew (Peyton Manning is pretty important to the Colts) and some have been pretty surprising (Alex Smith an effective starting quarterback, whaaaa?) and this week further clarified the playoff picture moving forward. This weekend, as every weekend before it, offered up plenty of embarrassing, painful and hard to watch meltdowns, so we have once again picked our five favorites to count down. This week: the Falcons play riverboat gambler, the Ravens make everyone forget their loss to Jacksonville, the Chiefs didn’t watch any film this week, the Browns do their best to give their fans hope before crushing them, and the Eagles officially get put to sleep. Come for the meltdowns, stay for the sadness!

Poor Prognostication: Running out of ways to say I’m bad at this

I'm just going to be like Tom and think of a happier place...

Woof. That’s about as good as I can describe how my picks have been going the last few weeks. Another tough stretch last week, going 3-6 on the week bringing the overall record for the season to 32-30-1, so still above .500, and at this point, I’ll take any small victory I can get. This week, I’m hoping I can turn around this bad streak I’ve been on but I apologize in advance to the teams and fans of the teams that I pick for putting that bad mojo on you. Expect to see me this weekend like Tom Brady, eyes closed thinking of a better place, and a better time to try and escape another poor week of picks. As always, picks are in bold.

Biggest Meltdowns of NFL Week 8

"I think you stink, too, Reggie."

Week 8, Halloween eve, was wild. At one point on Sunday, the Rams were beating the Saints by 24 the Cardinals were beating the Ravens by 21 and Miami held a 14 point lead and none of them were playing Indianapolis, which tells you all you need to know about the tumultuous week that was. In this week’s installment of biggest meltdowns, the Redskins take their ineptitude international, the Cowboys don’t wait for the fourth quarter to suck, the Saints got all the scoring out of their system last week, the Dolphins really do stink and the Cardinals were just kidding around in the first half. Come for the failure, stay for the sad athletes!

Poor Prognostication: Presented by Wile E. Coyote!

Bob Costas is concerned about the way these picks have gone

Wile E. Coyote and I have a shared experience. Much like in every one of those old Looney Tunes cartoons where Wile E. Coyote would chase the Roadrunner and inevitably fall off the cliff over and over, I have once again run straight off that cliff. Last week was the second straight brutal effort on my part, going 2-7 on picks and rapidly catching my losses up to my wins in the overall record, which now stands at 25-19-1. This week, I would settle for just having an old-timey bomb blow up in my face or run into a wall that I painted a tunnel onto. Bob Costas is very concerned with the way these picks have turned, so I’m going to try to turn it around this week. For Bob! Picks are in bold.

Biggest Meltdowns of NFL Week 7

Tim Tebow: Homewrecker

Week 7 of the NFL season has come and gone except for the Monday Night Massacre taking place tonight in Jacksonville. This weekend had its fair share of excitement, letdowns, and teams forgetting to show up at all. This week, the Colts really are that bad, the Titans may not be ready to take the AFC South, the Raiders played gracious host to the Chiefs, the Chargers spent the last two minutes trying to come up with cutting remarks for the postgame handshake, and the Church of Tebow gets founded in Miami. Come for the disappointment, stay for the sad looking athletes!