Poor Prognositcation: Let’s hug this out

"How can this be wrong, when it feels soooo right?"

With last week’s conference championships in the books, the college football regular season is all but over. The annual Army-Navy game caps it off, which means after this all we’ll be left with is about 40 or 50 bowl games. The picks struggle a bit last week, going just 4-6 to bring the overall record for the season to 55-52-4. I blame Oklahoma and Virginia Tech’s odd decision to take last week off and watch Oklahoma State and Clemson run up the score on them, but we can’t dwell on the mistakes of the past. This week, the picks are less numerous since the college season is done, but we have a good slate of games in the NFL that’s going to go a long way in clearing up the playoff picture. So with just two weeks before Christmas, let’s get Tebow-esque and hold the ones who help us most close as we give thanks for another fun college football season and gear up for what should be an exciting NFL playoffs. As always, picks are in bold.

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Biggest Meltdowns of NFL Week 9

At least she had the courtesy to lay down a towel before she started weeping

Week 9 is nearly in the books, and that means most teams have played through half of their schedule. Some division races are starting to take shape (pretty sure the 49ers have already clinched) while some are only getting more muddled (AFC East and West have 3-way ties for first). The weekend that was gave us plenty of exciting finishes and defensive letdowns, which gives us the fodder for Biggest Meltdowns, so thanks again professional athletes for your continued failures! This week, the Chiefs ruin Miami’s bid for Andrew Luck, the Titans make the Bengals look good for another week, Pittsburgh gets Pittsburg’d, the Patriots suffer a flashback, and the Raiders forgot what Tim Tebow does best (hint: it isn’t throw).

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Hey Chris Johnson fans, I hope you enjoy what you’re seeing…

About as productive as Chris Johnson has been in the backfield this season

Where have you gone, CJ2K? Chris Johnson, aka “Cop Speed,” has been a force in the NFL since entering the league in 2008, rushing for no fewer than 1,200 yards in his three seasons, including 2,006 rushing yards in 2009, when he adopted the CJ2K nickname. His elusive moves and unmatched speed were a lethal combination for defenses and his outstanding production led the running back to hold out during this shortened offseason for a new contract. The public opinion was on his side, since he had clearly outplayed his rookie contract and quickly become one of the elite running backs in football. The Titans eventually caved, signing Johnson to a four-year, $53.5 million contract and $30 million guaranteed and Johnson has rewarded the team by leading the last ranked rushing attack in the NFL through seven games. Not exactly the return the team was looking for, but surely Chris Johnson is dedicating himself to fixing whatever is wrong…right?

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Biggest Meltdowns of NFL Week 7

Tim Tebow: Homewrecker

Week 7 of the NFL season has come and gone except for the Monday Night Massacre taking place tonight in Jacksonville. This weekend had its fair share of excitement, letdowns, and teams forgetting to show up at all. This week, the Colts really are that bad, the Titans may not be ready to take the AFC South, the Raiders played gracious host to the Chiefs, the Chargers spent the last two minutes trying to come up with cutting remarks for the postgame handshake, and the Church of Tebow gets founded in Miami. Come for the disappointment, stay for the sad looking athletes!

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Poor Prognostication, now slightly less Poor!

Matt Stafford gives this column half a Fonz: "Heeeeeeeeeeey"

Surprising news, everyone: when I am not actually gambling, it turns out I am really good at gambling. Last weeks picks went 8-1 (Thanks for ruining perfection Buffalo), bringing overall after two weeks to 15-3.  This week, I will try to improve on the near perfect picks last week, inevitably fall short, and fall into a shame spiral that will ruin my whole weekend… Picks are in bold!

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Chris Johnson is teaching kids the importance of pre-season

"It's cool everybody, I'm rich now, so who cares!"

Chris Johnson has been a huge force in the NFL in his first 3 seasons. Since entering the league in 2008, Johnson has rushed for 4,598 yards, including 2,006 in 2009, averaging an impressive 5.0 yards per carry. In addition to the 1,000 yards receiving, he has made a name for himself as an explosive player with the ability to score a touchdown every time he touched the ball. This absurd production led him, and many around him, to feel like he had out-played his contract, so he decided to hold out this offseason, missing all of the preseason before signing a four-year, $53.5 million contract just before the regular season. After all, a happy Chris Johnson would be a productive Chris Johnson, right? …Right??

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Biggest Meltdowns of the NFL Week 2

You'd be pretty sad too if you just lost to the Browns

If you thought week 1 of the NFL season was crazy, you had no idea what you were in for in week 2. There were comebacks, there were collapses, there were amazing individual efforts, and at least one team looked like they were still trying to figure out which direction their jock strap goes. Continue on for this week’s biggest meltdowns along with more pictures of sad NFL players!

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